Tee-hee: Outtakes from "vice cops gone wild"

The internet is all a-tizzy over our very own version of "vice cops gone wild." The highly-trafficked Drudge Report placed a link to the story on it's front page, sending thousands of eager eyes to the Enterprise web site. Meanwhile, even internet gossip purveyor Perez Hilton had a field day with this juicy saga.

And why not? Here is what we've learned so far:

We have a chief who contradicts himself and rails against a flawed personnel system. A suspended cop who should have realized that the nature of his involvement in this enterprise was highly questionable from the start, especially when proper police protocol was abandoned.

And today's bombshell: that the supposed presiding officer, Lt. Breaux, now says he was not in charge of this massive catastrophe. We think somebody might be - gasp! - lying.

SO WHO IS RUNNING THE ASYLUM?? Somebody please tell us, we're dying to know.

This case is like the legal equivalent of a giddy schoolboy. Even the participants in this affair have tapped into their inner "Beavis & Butthead." So in honor of that pimply 7th grader in all of us, here are some sophomoric outtakes -- with a little setup material thrown in -- from last week's high wire act.

• Assistant City Attorney Joseph Sanders was asking Officer Keith Breiner what was expected the first time he went to the Sun Spa. In the undercover world cops refer to their first time going into a situation as a dry run. "It didn’t turn out to be a dry run. It turned out to be a wet run. Isn’t that correct," Sanders said.
  

• When they were talking about using condoms, Breiner said that he didn’t bring them but that the women had them. Sanders asked how the women put the condoms on and asked if in fact they put them on with their mouths.
  

• Sanders also asked Breiner who he told about his sexual dealings. At first he said it was his initial supervisors, but later he said that he was sitting around bullshi***** with his co-workers. Sanders asked Breiner if he in fact said the woman made him "c** like a fountain." Breiner scoffed. "No sir."

• Sanders asked Breiner if he was embarrassed by his actions. He said no. Then he was asked if Bill Clinton embarrassed himself by having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky. "He embarrassed himself when he lied about it," Breiner said. Then Sanders asked him about New Jersey Gov. James E. McGreevey, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and Jimmy Swaggart. Breiner wasn’t familiar with McGreevey or Spitzer. But he knew Swaggart was a televangelist. Sanders asked Breiner if he thought Swaggart embarrassed his church. "I have no idea sir. The city of Beaumont is not a church," Breiner said.

Sadly, our 15-minutes are hardly up. There will be much more to come...