tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35721293737766708122011-08-16T22:07:56.367-05:00The BayouGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.comBlogger27631100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-68357929681104963452010-04-15T13:22:00.001-05:002010-04-15T14:22:58.210-05:00Some parishioners not big fans of Jesus's absThe world is chock full of bad art. This weekend, we'll be showcasing examples from right here in Southeast Texas. Yeah, yeah we know: you can't wait. Until then, enjoy this (or not).Up in Oklahoma, there's some poorly rendered art hanging above the alter of the St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church. It's your standard issue picture of Jesus on the crucifix with what appears to be a sad sack GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-81363522603973835622010-04-15T10:57:00.007-05:002010-04-15T11:56:11.507-05:00Beaumont's (ha!) David Bradley owes EVERYONE $1,000Our very own Mr. Literal, David Bradley, made an ingenious bet. One that he'll NEVER, EVER have to pay. Bradley boasted that he'd give $1,000 to anyone who could find the words "separation of church and state" in the U.S. Constitution.Go ahead, look. We'll wait.Satisfied? Those EXACT words are no where to be found. They are, however, intrinsically linked to the document. In 1802, Thomas JeffersonGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-77209612681412931372010-04-15T00:08:00.004-05:002010-04-15T05:55:52.822-05:00Daybreaker from Lake Sam: Fish or make bailThe world's largest fishing tournament kicks off this weekend up at Lake Sam Rayburn.The McDonald's Big Bass Splash will have anglers competing for more than a half-million dollars in cash and prizes. The winner alone will take home roughly $250K in goodies -- so it pays to bring your game face.Or, if your like Robby Rose, a little lead might do the trick.Rose took home the grand prize in GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-15020330559056783082010-04-14T11:20:00.008-05:002010-04-14T15:06:11.342-05:00Is this a joke? The Carrol Thomas Athletic Complex?This reads like an Onion article. So we will simply post it and let you, dear reader, laugh until you cough up your new KFC "Double Down." This can't POSSIBLY be true. No way. Oh, FOX4, how hilarious! We're sorry we ever teased you. Not really. This is the greatest April Fool's Day joke not done on April Fool's Day since the Taco Liberty Bell. Good stuff. Oh. So. Funny. Our side hurts."The GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com65tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-84494017775187748482010-04-14T10:47:00.007-05:002010-04-14T11:35:12.157-05:00Count 'em: Jay Bruce creatively explains how many hits he has this yearWe like West Brook grad and Cincinnati Red Jay Bruce more and more each day.After belting a 2nd inning double during Monday night's game against the Marlins, Bruce forgot he was on the tevee, hoisting up the ol' "double barrel" salute towards the Reds dugout. Coincidentally, that hit broke an 0-17 slump Bruce was mired in to start the season.For the unabridged photo, bang it here.Bruce later GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-21930228204116903802010-04-14T00:06:00.008-05:002010-04-14T05:45:44.375-05:00Daybreaker: Coming soon to Beaumont bumpers near you......will be this sticker, the newest "must have" auto accoutrement of the season. And yes, BISD really DOES spell fraud. Spelling is not really the districts strong suit. The "Good Friday Massacre" seems to have invigorated the once stalled BISD/citizen petition drive. Like any cataclysmic event, the victims are wading through their seven stages. They seem to be stuck on anger -- ousting "Doc" GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-44310640423738692802010-04-13T13:17:00.011-05:002010-04-13T14:12:17.158-05:00Black n' white: Texas sheriff starts Caucasian Law Enforcement Assoc.Black people have BET, Tyler Perry and the White House. There's affirmative action, NAACP and the Black Congressional Caucus. Hispanics have Univision, Jennifer Lopez and La Raza. White people have PLENTY, including the newly christened Harris County sheriff's chapter of the Caucasian Law Enforcement Association."Daniel McCool says his organization is open to members of any race or ethnicity. GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-27965350519854568482010-04-13T11:53:00.001-05:002010-04-13T12:41:30.284-05:00Bayou video of the day: Cops tases another cop...for funWhen bored, cops tase each other. See video of Florida law enforcement in their native habitat."Cpl. Wilmer A. Arencibia entered the housing area of the Collier County jail’s medical unit and was approached by a female deputy who read a message off her iPod to him, according to a recently released internal investigation. Arencibia reached for his agency-issued Taser, and chased the female deputy.GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-5161678273400037892010-04-13T10:35:00.001-05:002010-04-13T10:37:35.104-05:00The only answer you'll ever need to know: 'Cause Texas kicks a**From the BAYOU "Hard Questions Only Texans Can Answer" Department:Bastion of Liberal thinking, Mother Jones, poses an interesting question: how did Texas escape the housing bubble?This article posits all sorts of fun theories. For example, might it have been the Texas rule that prohibits homeowners from taking out home equity loans that total more than 80% of a home's appraised value?NoHow about GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-51218144738599377122010-04-13T00:04:00.009-05:002010-04-13T00:04:00.678-05:00Daybreaker: History happened this weekend in NederlandWe had no idea. Not until BAYOU reader, Tom, alerted us to history in action.For most of Southeast Texas, Saturday, April 10th was an uneventful day. You washed the Chevy, did a few Jell-O shots and tried to splice your neighbor's cable hook up...again. The usual.Not so in the annals of history. This date will be revered as the moment the independent nation of Texasasstan established it's capitalGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-10276311547346661492010-04-12T12:49:00.009-05:002010-04-12T15:41:25.901-05:00Oh PETA: An exclusive look at that bloodied elephant coming to BeaumontOh goodie, PETA is coming back to Beaumont. We missed 'em. Back in early '09, they had some girl shower naked down on Crockett. She was kinda, sorta nekkid. If you count wearing clothing behind a curtain as "baring all." This will be more of them same. All sizzle, no tofu.This time, the circus is EVIL! So we want to ruin it for all children (and KILL it FOREVER). They claim to be bringing along aGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-75348761761975857342010-04-12T09:58:00.002-05:002010-04-12T10:39:17.338-05:00The End? Southeast Texans are prepared to dieNice knowing y'all, but it's ALL OVER. According to a "highly scientific" sampling of Beaumont Enterprise readers, the world is about to end in 3...2...1...fade to black.As of early Monday morning, 632 had answered the question: "Are we living in the end times?" Of those respondents, 46% (292) said "Hells yes!" We're paraphrasing. Actually you said, "Yes. There have been too many natural GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-88311875673064400702010-04-12T00:02:00.004-05:002010-04-12T05:46:46.812-05:00Daybreaker: Perry, and his NASCAR, to make early Beaumont pitstopFrom the BAYOU "You Already Missed It" files:MONDAY, MONDAY, MONDAY! You got 24-hours notice. That's gotta be good enough for you.Our newest "NASCAR dad," Rick "The Accelerator" Perry, gave us the shaft last month. He was scheduled to do an early morning shake-n-bake at the Elegante. Sadly, there was weather. There's ALWAYS weather. His weak winged paper airplane was unable to traverse the GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-50337999001890589632010-04-11T01:34:00.004-05:002010-04-11T01:34:00.268-05:00SundayDaybreaker: 20% of the globe think aliens live next doorTHEY walk among us. THEY work in our banks, live in our 'hoods and bag our groceries (no wonder). THEY even work at the local Dollar General (makes sense, don't it). THEY wear amazingly lifelike human costumes, allowing THEM to blend in with the rest of us.Who are THEY? Aliens, duh! As far as the guy with the tin foil head gear, we can't vouch for him (or his space age kitty).A new global ReutersGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-31924217906412518372010-04-10T13:06:00.009-05:002010-04-10T13:20:57.866-05:00Bayou SNEAK PEEK: Lamar's new uniforms!Oh c'mon! Can't we just have a little fun here? For the story behind these shirts, click it.[Click it to big it]To critique the "real" newly unveiled uniforms, furnished by the Under Armour apparel company, you'll have to check out Sunday's paper. We hear they're real swanky.[Enterprise]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-62002171547979972752010-04-10T00:43:00.009-05:002010-04-10T08:00:57.872-05:00Daybreaker: Newman! Bayou readers saw this comingBack in September, we posted the video of Derrick Newman getting roughed up by alleged baton twirler David Todd Burke. We should have all seen this mistrial coming -- everyone else did.Instead, we thought 13 solid whacks to a mouthy jerkbag who was just spouting off while laying face down on the the backside of a car was excessive. Guess not. One thing is for certain, this mistrial drags on a GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-2097473734372630912010-04-09T16:04:00.002-05:002010-04-09T16:30:02.633-05:00Steal that job: East Texan shows us why everyone is unemployedSo many applicants to choose from, but our CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK comes from up Lufkin way. And why? 'Cause this misguided soul was just trying to do some good when stupid reared its ugly head and got in the way.This woman, you see, applied for a retail position, filled out an application and waited. While she had just nothing to do, she got bored and decided to steal some stuff. Job interview GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-71208253252351486112010-04-09T12:09:00.007-05:002010-04-09T12:30:23.309-05:00Everyday is casual sex day: Study, combined with Beaumont ingenuity, tells us soIt is Spring and all manner of chubby shut-ins are wearing less -- and their thoughts turn to, well, you know. Smart people have needs too, and with the weather comes your annual "sexy sexiness is on the rise study." These wonks tell us that casual sex in America is increasing. Can we get a RIGHT ON?!!?! This is, quite literally, the best news EVER!We did our own "non-scientific" Beaumont-centricGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-34230373817600028972010-04-09T11:35:00.010-05:002010-04-09T11:51:35.581-05:00Bayou pic of the day: TP'd in the Little Cypress Elementary parking lotIn a few weeks, this minivan will emerge from it's cocoon as a beautiful, fire-engine red Maserati.**[Click on image to enlarge]**Or not (read more at the link below).[picture via KOGT, h/t to j.p.]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-28014795851411740702010-04-09T10:25:00.003-05:002010-04-09T11:15:07.379-05:00HAPPY TAX FREEDOM DAY!Pay 'em OR end up like this guy.Speaking of this portly East Texas gentleman (pic), let's all take out our frustrations on local mail receptacles. Blowing up things is a great way to celebrate the day and relieve unwanted stress. For the rest of the year, all the money you earn is YOURS!Depends on what you earn. More or less. So confusing, just read the link below. [Tyler paper, Tax Foundation]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-1941289263544444122010-04-09T00:42:00.004-05:002010-04-09T00:42:00.336-05:00Daybreaker: Let's "power up" Beaumont's budgetLike the ditch in downtown AND the entire state of California, Beaumont's coffers are empty. Let's all freak out! Cut EVERYTHING! Gut all non-essential programs and run for the hills (or, since there are no hills, just dash straight into the Gulf). The Beaumont City Council is thinking about slicing bus routes, privatizing EMS services, closing fire stations or -- GULP! -- taking a few bucks awayGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-15696980629743232712010-04-08T15:15:00.004-05:002010-04-08T15:31:12.546-05:00Bayou reader comment of the day: Democrats hate Jesus!What a difference a day makes. An Aggie doctor allegedly fires an employee for their political leanings and all heck breaks loose. The intertubes shook under the weight of this message board controversy.The story has since made it all the way to CBS News (their motto: "Message board boasting, Taiwanese kids with bowl cuts that sing Whitney Houston songs -- if it generates hits, we call it news").GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-7694896216514369202010-04-08T09:18:00.004-05:002010-04-08T11:13:02.372-05:00Ain't our fault: Blame Minnesota for Texas-sized rebate mishapDid you try and get in on all of that appliance rebate fun yesterday? If you didn't get through, and odds are it was more difficult than coaxing a smile from Tiger Woods, don't blame Texas. They'd like you to know it ain't their fault.Send your anger north, to Minnesota. That's where the outsourced middle man is located.According to secret, magical documents obtained only by Austin-based KVUE, "GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-60609725736874842162010-04-08T00:23:00.003-05:002010-04-08T00:23:00.740-05:00Daybreaker: Where your South Park concerns go to dieMy what a full multimedia presentation we have for you this morning.Click the PLAY button and Listen. This is the dead-end voicemail box where the district is routing all of your South Park questions and concerns.We love how she pronounces the word "subsequent." Sub-SEE-quant? We'd stop posting about this if if weren't so darn entertaining. This will be all for now. Promise! We'll be moving on toGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-18684725343864284102010-04-07T13:09:00.000-05:002010-04-07T13:34:02.574-05:00Be true to your school: With tacky Texas vanity platesWe LOVE our school district, but how do we show them that we care? Got it: vanity license plates! Oh, so fantastic. Show school spirit and donate even more of your hard earned cash money.The concept comes from is Austin-based My Plates, authorized by Texas to design and market full-color specialty license plates. The state-issued plate would come with the logo of the district of your choice. GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-6696472545817566772010-04-07T11:50:00.011-05:002010-04-07T12:50:26.102-05:00Canned: Texas doc fires employee 'cause they voted for ObamaFiring people is so much fun, let's all go down to Wal-Mart and lay off some cashiers.One Texas dermatologist is so ticked off over this whole health care takeover, that he fired an employee just 'cause they voted for that Communist-Marxist-Socialist-Zoroastrian-Nigerian huckster: Obama.Canning someone for their politics? Can't imagine any employment lawyer turning down that case. Oh, and guess GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-77641388649903085442010-04-07T00:42:00.009-05:002010-04-07T00:42:00.366-05:00Daybreaker: Thanks Time Warner...for digging up our yard!Dear Time Warner Cable, Beaumont:Thanks so much for sending over three of your finest employees yesterday to dig holes in our front yard. It was such a thrill to watch these guys tear up our property. How exciting! We even snapped a photo for our scrapbook:Nice fellows. We've got no issues with them.Allow us to backtrack: We awoke yesterday morning to discover dozens of tiny flags all over our GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-72746159752730745502010-04-06T15:12:00.004-05:002010-04-06T15:12:00.757-05:00Graphical evidence: Beaumont/Port Arthur is sheddingNow for your BAYOU pick-me-up™.Things are looking bleak in the construction world. This handy chart will make you cry, if you haven't done so already today. According to the Associated General Contractors of America citing data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Beaumont/Port Arthur shed 3,900 construction jobs (from Feb. '09 to Feb. '10). That equates to a 20% loss, placing us in 290th GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-10369564490411041222010-04-06T13:58:00.007-05:002010-04-06T14:22:31.172-05:00Making grades: UH prof sends papers to BangaloreBeing a college professor is hard work. Damn difficult, what with faculty coffee breaks and long, laborious arguments held while dining on Ethiopian cuisine. It's a wonder these beacons of brilliance can even find the time to share their knowledge with us huddled masses.Thanks to the magic of outsourcing, these titans of intellect can now hold three office hours per week, instead of the customaryGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-81533491351632912272010-04-06T10:48:00.000-05:002010-04-06T10:48:00.085-05:00Bayou video of the day: Next stop -- BEAUMONTWould you wanna get off here?
[SOURCE]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-42468512689482567342010-04-06T08:41:00.002-05:002010-04-06T10:41:03.164-05:00Meat sweats: Texas chain makes "killer" sandwichAmerica is under attack by giant, meat-filled sandwich products. They nearly did in one Georgia man, who almost DIED while doing battle with five different types of meat and three cheeses.Naturally, this killer 'meatwich' came from a Texas-based lunch chain: Which 'Wich. We imagine they must be working with the Department of Defense to create the ultimate biological warfare weapon. If we GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-45508049061185186712010-04-06T00:32:00.003-05:002010-04-06T10:55:09.177-05:00Daybreaker: UT explains the mysteries of the universeFROM THE BAYOU "NO DUH!" FILES:University of Texas eggheads have arrived at a maxim that explains everything: politics, fast food...even our poor choice in sensible footwear.When armed with ALL the information one could possibly need to make a decision, most of us still make crappy choices. Don't believe us? Roll over and take a peek at your life partner.The more options you have, the worse y'allGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-48014047042756550932010-04-05T12:36:00.003-05:002010-04-05T13:48:11.795-05:00Bayou video of the day: 'Dozer vs. South ParkThis is why they call it Good Friday! Here is some TOP SECRET video of an ancient building being torn down (notice the classified "code": DSCN3403). For you wanna be espionage types, the "DSCN" stands for "DOWN! Sucka Comin' NOW!" We think. We dunno. For you out-of-towners, here is two-and-a-half minutes of demolition goodness. Things start really fallin' apart around the 1:30 mark.But wait, GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-8175480609730763742010-04-05T10:33:00.001-05:002010-04-05T11:15:11.077-05:00Spotted in Beaumont: Wal-Mart already has a "fat tax"It took some 58-pound Taiwanese 15-year-old an extra 32 seconds to make that XXL sweatshirt. That's a half-cent more per garment, with the added "craftsmanship" passed onto you: the "husky" consumer. Economies of scale, people. GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-71548026710634083872010-04-05T01:02:00.006-05:002010-04-05T01:02:00.315-05:00Daybreaker: Is Lamar coach seeing green?As small conference wunderkind, Butler, gears up for tonight's national title game, we turn our thoughts to our own small basketball weakling: Lamar.He's basically got a .500 career record at Lamar, going a sad-sack 14-18 this past season. Yet according to reports from NOLA.com, Coach Roc -- who has connections to the program -- might be in play for the newly vacant Tulane gig."Lamar Coach Steve GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-4380772024676287102010-04-04T00:51:00.011-05:002010-04-04T07:42:28.153-05:00HAPPY EASTER! Go ahead, you can touch our bunniesToday, bunny love in universal.[Click on pic to enlarge]WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EGGS?Easter Bunny takes a beatin'."The deplorable rise of the plastic Easter Egg"50 year old UNOPENED Easter Egg. Yummy!"Peep" show.Don't mess with the Easter Bunny.GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-16886789099923692092010-04-03T01:13:00.004-05:002010-04-03T17:33:19.469-05:00Daybreaker: Beaumont boy Jay Bruce has an opening day theme songAnd it's kinda pitchy, dog. We like Jay, but here's the deal on "The Deal" ("sung" by some dude named Louie G): Not good. Not good at all. Since Jay is local and all, consider this a public service post. Take a quick listen, see whatcha think. We suspect you'll strongly disagree with one commenter who eloquently opined: "hell ya dude thats a bad a** song 4realz. jay needs to hear that one. so heGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-75235764601076766442010-04-02T13:49:00.007-05:002010-04-02T14:59:13.019-05:00The ballz are out: Bye, bye South ParkIbbity-ibbity-ibbity...that's all folks.The 'dozer is out and the public's trust South Park is being demolished. Happy holidays! The BISD knows one universal axiom: never let a little fraud get in the way of a good demolition. The outrage over the interwebs is of Biblical proportions. Here's a random sampling culled only from the comments section of the Enterprise (diversity is usually what we'reGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-41437341420639560942010-04-02T12:14:00.001-05:002010-04-02T12:14:00.403-05:00Tile style: Our Good Friday image of the Virgin Mary...It's Good Friday, so Jesus or some holy figure will inevitably turn up on a pancake or garbage can lid or crinkled copy of Popular Mechanics.If you had $5 on "bathroom tile," you just won yourself some big money. A New Mexico woman says she spotted the image of Virgin Mary looking down at Baby Jesus wrapped in a blanket in her arms in her bathtub.She never noticed before 'cause after years of GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-18281573348969772632010-04-02T11:22:00.006-05:002010-04-02T11:58:02.290-05:00Droppin' bombs: Easter egg hunts are for sissies!This will end well.A San Antonio-area church doesn't want to do the same old tedious egg hunting thing. It's worse at the White House, where they gently "roll" the eggs. Kidz like these things, so they must be stopped. Far too pedestrian. Little ones need to "man" up during the holiday. All of these soft, cuddly bunnies have made our spawn soft. In Texas, Easter eggs should be menacing. The GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-83664319368219912352010-04-02T10:09:00.001-05:002010-04-02T10:22:27.725-05:00Count us in: Did you receive your 8th census notice?Now that the government has taken over ALL of America's financial institutions, their direct mail program is starting to look like CitiBank's credit card application deluge.Every day, we get 5 or 6 new credit card letters. "Get a better interest rate!" "More advantage points!" "We just want to bankrupt entire generations of your family tree!"Just like our dear friends, the banks, we've gotten GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-18203151074072218512010-04-02T00:17:00.003-05:002010-04-02T06:37:58.778-05:00Daybreaker: Only in Texas...Jesus died so you could win a brand new BMWBunnies are boring. So is candy. It's about time these antiquated symbols of the resurrection got tossed.SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! It's the great Easter giveaway bonanza. You know how banks give away toasters when you open a checking account, why can't a Corpus Christi megachurch dole out fabulous cash and prizes just for attending?They can, and they are. Let's all take a holy roadtrip down to the GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-27155040262419371772010-04-01T14:30:00.008-05:002010-04-01T14:55:34.959-05:00Bayou video of the day: LBJ talks about his belly, crotch and handcrafted slacksJack Brooks and LBJ were pals. Hell, that makes Johnson an honorary Southeast Texan; and the world's greatest president. Let's name an underutilized airport after him!This grainy audio gives us a glimpse of how real men order lightweight summer slacks. SLACKS! What an amazing word.Being El Presidente is hard; makes you fat. Also makes you filthy rich, since he needed extra pocket room for his GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-15150160267817870662010-04-01T11:41:00.001-05:002010-04-01T11:50:13.143-05:00Flagged: Texas is no longer "white side up"No respect. None at all. Texas, once again, gets short shrift from the feds.While on vacay at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History, many visitors noticed that the Texas flag was flying upside down. [Pic via Washington Post]Everyone knows it flies "white" side up. Well, except the "Texas-a-phoes" running the government. There can only be two reasons for this monumental oversight: 1.GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-76559531096025090392010-04-01T10:22:00.003-05:002010-04-03T07:08:01.033-05:00BAYOU marketplace: Beaumont YMCA up on eBayIt is. True. And it's only going for $9.99. Get the YMCA for under 10 bucks! You're right, it's still a little steep. For a postcard. A 1909 picture postcard of the Beaumont YMCA building is up on eBay. Sorta like the actual Beaumont YMCA. No one seems to want to pick up the tab. Oh c'mon, can't we have a little fun?[Click on pic to enlarge]By the way, for the three folks that still use the localGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-90557707721102575822010-04-01T00:27:00.011-05:002010-04-01T00:27:00.151-05:00Daybreaker: The BISD lied, lied and -- oh -- lied againHappy stupid prank day! Let's all tow some cars at a Glenn Beck rally. Now onto the business at hand.We're being played for fools. This is about lies and the lying liars that tell them. In this case, the BISD lied. They sold us all a big ol' juicy fib. Many, in fact. This is according to Judge Wortham, who issued his findings of fact and conclusions of law yesterday.Wortham -- who seems to enjoy GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-75046791815731026362010-03-31T16:32:00.002-05:002010-03-31T17:29:13.271-05:00Zzzzzzzap: Tasing grandma is LEGAL!Let us rejoice! When the elderly mouth off and get salty with a cop more than half their age, Mr. Officer can get busy. It is now alright to give grandma a big, fat jolt of high voltage. It wuz before, but now it is definitely copacetic. She wuz askin' for it, so go ahead -- shock her.'Member that grandma that got the stuffing tazed out of her by an Austin-area constable? Today, a Travis County GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-33043696098001938812010-03-31T12:32:00.001-05:002010-03-31T13:09:05.852-05:00That's edumakation: The terroristic writing is on the Lumberton bathroom wallThere's nowhere to hide, everything has gone to pot. The bucolic 'burbs are just as screwed up as our crappy cities.When we were in high school -- back in the 1870s -- the joke in our big city school was that we didn't have a drug problem 'cause no one had enough money to buy 'em. Still don't, actually. And guns? They were expensive, too. But today there is no cash limit on violence -- purported GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-85997141942730920772010-03-31T11:10:00.007-05:002010-03-31T11:29:40.065-05:00Insert name here: Texas DJ becomes billboard for $100KWe don't get NASCAR. Never have. Perhaps that makes us deficient in some way. Feel free to criticize (like y'all ever hold back anyway). On paper, watching cars go round-and-round really fast for hours on end doesn't necessarily translate into riveting tee vee. It must be the beer and the potential for sudden death. If there is one thing these gear heads know how to do, it's market. In a stroke GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-55617487993702278182010-03-31T00:02:00.001-05:002010-03-31T00:02:00.201-05:00Daybreaker: Beaumont is the preferred chauffeur for many SE TexansWe're thinking of throwing a little mobile Cinco de Mayo party, and getting a few EMS companies to drive us from bar to club. Care to join us? There's plenty of room and just one simple three digit phone number to remember. They've got sirens for fast, traffic-busting transport AND they're FREE!The rest of Beaumont will gladly pick up the tab. You know you will.The Taxi and Limousine Commission GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-87158036610523628732010-03-30T14:33:00.006-05:002010-03-30T20:13:49.719-05:00BAYOU sports page: We are WORLD CHAMPS!Shhhhhhh! Don't tell anyone. Lean in close, we've got a little secret. As of last night, Southeast Texas is home to a WORLD CHAMPION.Uh huh!The Southeast Texas something-or-others, formerly of Ford Park, currently playing down at Lamar-Port Arthur and soon to be balling out of a shed in Winnie just won the -- let's see -- American Basketball Association (ABA) Title!The, um...Mavericks. That's it.GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-40668539222413756972010-03-30T12:03:00.000-05:002010-03-30T12:05:30.636-05:00Welcome to Texas: We kill people hereWe are being outpaced economically by Asia and India, we suck at the world's most popular sport and a new Amnesty International report informs us that we don't execute nearly enough people. "Tough love" is best left to the professionals...in China.714 people were executed in 18 countries last year, of that China off'd the most. No one knows how many were killed exactly, since China is known for GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-34451439132018880502010-03-30T10:43:00.006-05:002010-03-30T11:01:48.121-05:00Head gasket: Rocket scientists take on ToyotaOur "big brains" are no match for Japanese killer technology. The mysteries of the death machine known as "Toyota" have so far eluded our smartest government technology experts. Why does the gas pedal stick? Can we get $5,000 cash back on the purchase of a new hybrid Highlander? Why doesn't the Corolla come in teal? Questions we need answers to.That is why our government is turning to NASA. We'veGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-26891332747924602702010-03-30T09:38:00.002-05:002010-03-30T09:38:00.132-05:00(Un)surety: BISD contractor tangled in elaborate bond scamThis guy must've been good. Real slippery. If the Beaumont ISD's people fell for this dude's scam, it had to have been top-notch. Either that, or extremely cheap.George Douglas Black Sr. -- who fronted a company called "Infinity Surety" -- was arrested for selling millions of dollars worth of 100% useless construction bonds. Organizations like our own careful stewards, the BISD, use these bonds GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-10417781723042450772010-03-30T00:32:00.010-05:002010-03-30T00:32:00.067-05:00Daybreaker: Texas student the greatest rock drummer of ALL TIMEThe University of Texas is home to the greatest "fake" drummer of all time.Colt McCoy can blow it out his blow hole. He's yesterdays news. Civil engineering junior Matt Smith is the new BIG man on the UT campus. On Saturday, Smith "played all 84 'Rock Band 2' songs on the drums over the course of seven hours to beat last year's WORLD RECORD SCORE of 10,687,033 points.Since new college graduates GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-43863143698749371002010-03-29T14:48:00.006-05:002010-03-29T18:00:46.781-05:00Designated fall guy: It's news 'cause he's a copIf you Google the phrase "cop arrested for dui," you get 310,000 hits.You can now add Beaumont police lieutenant and U.S. Marshal applicant, Ray Beck, to that massive list. Passions run high when figures beholden to the public trust get pinched for getting caught in the act. Hell, we impeached Bill Clinton for adultery. And daily, we are bombarded with news of those doing the work of the people GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-38680883178749094212010-03-29T10:37:00.000-05:002010-03-29T11:22:43.267-05:00Sneezing? Stick a cell phone up your nosePhooey to the "scientists" that tell us cell phones and their invisible radiation cause The Cancer. Not so.From the nation that brought you the world's fastest Toyota and Hello Kitty™, comes an allergy remedy. And to many Southeast Texans who are dealing with itchy eyes and runny noses, you best dial in.According to this BBC report, "ring-tone therapy" is the latest allergy craze sweeping tech GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-47213313404462413172010-03-29T00:32:00.009-05:002010-03-29T06:04:05.486-05:00Daybreaker: The ways in which you are getting screwed todayWhy are people stunned by this? We're talking about your average bloke. Bayou readers -- of course -- are keenly aware of the ways of the world. You're generally a jaded bunch. But everyone else is miffed by this.Universal truism: Government workers have sweet deals. The fact that the city of Beaumont doled out $740,000 in "parting gifts" to former employees is hardly shocking. We're surprised itGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-10008600710101567422010-03-28T00:18:00.011-05:002010-03-28T07:56:18.252-05:00Daybreaker: Ruminating on moronsA few moronic things that made us chuckle this weekend...* * * * *These guys could be talking about any number of people.[Click on pic to enlarge] Thanks Charles!* * * * *And this reader (apparently ex-reader), who objected to our Paris Hilton reference from this Ted Poe post. Here's what I said: "This is like allowing Paris Hilton to give the State of the Union address. Sure, she'd raise some GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-14106621601913576882010-03-27T00:49:00.005-05:002010-03-27T07:48:19.726-05:00Daybreaker: Bush, bids and Beaumont...the week that wasWe spent half the week at the beach, so pardon us if we need to refresh our own memory. What a week! Let us rehash.* * * * * * * * * * Someone call the WHO! We don't wanna be fooled again. The doctors on the tee vee tell us that Southeast Texas is being ravaged by a killer stomach bug. So that's what we're calling "allergy season" these days?And visitors! We had some VIPs in town. Oh so very GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-24811150273072359952010-03-26T13:19:00.002-05:002010-03-26T14:19:13.613-05:00NO! Bellow decides Texas lawsuit against healthcare could use his helpOh, puhleeeze!It's not good enough that the Texas AG plans a lawsuit against the evil government healthcare takeover insurance reform.Oh no, it's not official until former Hardin County Commissioner candidate and Lumberton resident, David Bellow, gets involved. The lightening rod who led the charge to ban alcohol in Lumberton is filing his own lawsuit against the government. Do you smell the GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-84701430745392468702010-03-26T11:32:00.006-05:002010-03-26T11:58:05.607-05:00Bayou mailbag: What can I call myself?A regular BAYOU reader is having an identity crisis. Where else can he turn, but to the friendly confines of the swamp.* * * * * Q.: Have you got your Census? What a joke. I am ½ German and ½ Norwegian. My grandparents are 1st generation Americans. It seems White skinned people have no heritage only Hispanics, Blacks and Asians?A.: We have, and we promptly filled in the requisite information. GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-50227715136867064762010-03-26T09:14:00.001-05:002010-03-26T09:14:00.524-05:00Outta sight! NASA doles out $66 for a few cookiesWe took the lil' gators to the NASA Space Center this past weekend. Good times. We saw mission control, gazed at a few moon rocks and stood for a dozen photo ops near the Saturn rocket.Best of all, I chocked down a nasty $9 salad. Figured that kind of upcharge was normal, especially when you can buy admission tickets online for $7/person.But apparently, high food prices are a way of life for GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-36118646495869541402010-03-26T00:42:00.005-05:002010-04-01T22:34:24.305-05:00Daybreaker: Prickly beast turns up in Bolivar-purchased beerLife was a whole lot simpler before Ike, when beer was beer and all you needed for a good time out on Bolivar was a jammed packed cooler.But what to fill it with? You could do worse than a Tecate Light (you could also do much better). A decent brew, crisp and refreshing. Even Hellboy™ and his fishy friend enjoy a few before going out to battle evil (is he holding an Air Supply CD?).What you don'tGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-62503314756275668222010-03-25T14:35:00.007-05:002010-03-25T14:45:22.926-05:00Bayou video of the day: Bill Murray and Wu-Tang Clan walk into an Austin bar...Bill once said: "I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.” In order to prevent that slide into oblivion, he decided to bartend at the recent SXSW festivities.Apparently, all he knows how to do is pour tequila. How festive! This is unabashed, visual evidence that SXSW has officially jumped the proverbial shark. We've done you the courtesy of (mostly) editing out the hipster GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-41807686086751386082010-03-25T12:44:00.005-05:002010-03-25T13:11:34.609-05:00Bayou edumakation chronicles: If you can read this, you're not a TexanTexas kids can't read. They're all illiterate. The "nation's report card" came out yesterday and Texas kids aren't exactly 'hook'd on phonics.'"Results released Wednesday on the National Assessment of Educational Progress indicated that Texas fourth-graders had the 33rd-ranked average score, and eighth-graders were 34th, when compared with other states."Poor, right? Not so say state education GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-32269549519289445062010-03-25T08:45:00.011-05:002010-03-25T09:24:51.849-05:00(Un)motivated '10: Palin is in the buildingWe have a sighting! This is like those fuzzy images of the Sasquatch. Don't look directly into the light. At the very least, she's been projected onto a tee vee screen. And she's HUGE! Then again, everything is bigger in Texas.It's a BIG day for Sarah. TLC has just announced a brand new REALITY show. This is the same channel that brought you "Jon & Kate plus 8" and the show about baby beauty GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-4502176162533604822010-03-25T00:36:00.005-05:002010-03-25T07:27:01.591-05:00Daybreaker: Size matters! And Texas doesn't measure upNo wonder our trucks down here in Southeast Texas are so darn big. Not to mention our minor epidemic of swingin' "truck nutz." We're overcompensating.Guess size is all relative and whatnot, but you cannot argue with data. According to birth control manufacturer, Condomania, Texas dudes are on the small side. In the largest formal survey of penis sizes since 1948, when Kinsey conducted his GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-8145764775189408292010-03-24T20:12:00.003-05:002010-03-25T07:31:08.637-05:00Be a Swamp contributor: Going to the big shindig? Send us your eyewitness accountsAre you going to the "GET MOTIVATED" seminar, featuring SARAH PALIN and a bunch of old white dudes (they won't let us in)? If so, send your pics, first hand accounts, anecdotes, fashion/hair critiques and authographed articles of clothing to:TheBayou@BeaumontEnterprise.comWill she or won't she show up? Oh, the anticipation is killing us. We'd like to put together a round-up of the great GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-66193778842525409472010-03-24T12:47:00.001-05:002010-03-24T12:47:00.228-05:00Long overdue: Dewey decimal causes fracas at city council meetingThere is nothing more entertaining than a small government pissing contest. And we've got a doozy going on over in La Marque.The current dust-up ignited over an overdue library book fine owed by the mayor pro tem's -- Keith Bell -- wife. We'll let the Galveston Daily News take up the details:"Mayor Geraldine Sam accused councilwoman Connie Trube of violating a part of the city’s charter that GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-9704835490444976452010-03-24T10:30:00.001-05:002010-03-24T10:30:01.184-05:00Knock, knock: Texas house for sale...beware previous ownersFrom the BAYOU "steal estate" department:You just never know who's gonna knock on your door. If you can take that kind of excitement, this foreclosure may be for you.Going up on the auction block in Northwest Harris County is a gorgeous home previously owned by a drug kingpin with close ties to those violent Mexican drug cartels we all know and love. He is now serving a 13 year sentence for GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-18250344696719902352010-03-24T00:14:00.011-05:002010-03-24T00:14:00.884-05:00Daybreaker: Postcard from Winnie, "service industry" editionSmelly Shellie? Bad for marketing. The rest just points to how bad our "service" economy has become. This colorful -- and revealing -- anecdote comes by way of a friend of the BAYOU:"Went to Winnie, TX to serve subpoenas - looking for a gal that her AKA (sic) ends up to be "Smelly Shellie." She is a gardener - you know - goes ho-ing 24/7 at the local truck stops. Well it seems her clientele hadGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-67358386128842496342010-03-23T14:47:00.001-05:002010-03-23T14:47:00.189-05:00Tweet, Tweet: Southeast Texas MARCH Twitter roundupTime for a Southeast Texas Twitter roundup -- March edition:* * * * *Now there's a quality small business idea. For the CVB folks. Twitter has proclaimed Beaumont the Mexican food capital of the world! Mexico is allegedly peeved.On the flip side, Beaumont has killed roller derby.Is this a universal Beaumont term of endearment? Did the city council pass an ordinance? See, Twitter is a wonderful GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-26998121036651884192010-03-23T11:03:00.001-05:002010-03-23T11:03:00.138-05:00Bayou pic of the day: More Southeast Texas parking funIn a hurry at Home Depot? Can't help but think this one has echos of Tiger's recent vehicular mess.[Thanks again, R.]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-48187570669341173822010-03-23T00:09:00.004-05:002010-03-23T00:09:00.747-05:00Daybreaker: "Doc" Thomas wants some heads to roll!Those ancient philosophers, the Go-Go's, said it best, "Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, have to get way." Wise, that Belinda Carlisle.The BISD is on spring break, but "Doc" Thomas's mind went on vay-kay early. In his most recent "Nuggets of Wisdom," our Superintendent finally goes on one of his patented flights of fancy. It's been a while. Previous "Nuggets" columns have been relatively GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-12364897321979112932010-03-22T16:06:00.000-05:002010-03-22T16:06:00.271-05:00Grab your umbrella: It's raining crooks in TexasWhen it rains...You combine politics with burglary and you ALWAYS get hilarious hijinks. In this case, criminals literally fall from the sky.Around 2 a.m. Sunday morning, alarms went off over at the former San Antonio campaign office of Farouk Shami. You remember Shami? He gave us THE campaign rap song of the primary season (actually, the only rap).Alarms also went off at a variety of other GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-83239714159814837022010-03-22T11:31:00.001-05:002010-03-22T11:31:00.526-05:00BAYOU pic of the day: Beaumont driver believes they can fly!Maybe not. Just another Sunday morning in Beaumont. Imagine if this person had tried to parallel park? Frightening. [Thanks R.]GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-30143608619508411852010-03-22T10:08:00.000-05:002010-03-22T10:08:00.387-05:00Bayou video of the day: The old East Texas movie theater "drive-thru"We try to answer the questions that have stumped civilization for eons. Take the old chestnut: how many times does a piss drunk teenager ram his car into an East Texas theater box office before realizing he's doing it?Excellent question, and you have to dig into the details: was there meth involved? Malt liquor v. rotgut? Sadly, this is one mystery that we have no answer for. We do, however, haveGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-87913939554592001962010-03-22T00:03:00.006-05:002010-03-22T05:42:54.721-05:00Daybreaker: SETX rep jumps the gun on health care voteLet this be our "HealthCareApocalypse" thread, and we have Ted Poe to thank.At 4:53 pm, Poe sent out an email snatching defeat from the hands of victory. Notice the time stamp and "xxx-xxx" voter count. You see, the vote hadn't even happened yet. Not even close. Was Poe even in the building? And how did he vote "NO?" Must be that new "Hot Tub Time Machine."[Hard to read, so click on pic to GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-64560592291102313872010-03-21T01:22:00.001-05:002010-03-21T01:22:00.789-05:00Daybreaker: We know exactly what women wantFinally, some answers. We're not talking about Lost. This is about the age-old mysteries of the fairer sex. What exactly do women want? Aside from Brad Pitt and a pedicure, we now have a fairly straightforward set of guidelines.According to a recent survey in the Mirror, here is a top 10 list of what ladies fancy in men:1. Has facial stubble2. Is a bit geeky3. Has a hairy chest4. Avid book GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-50378500146708739692010-03-20T01:03:00.012-05:002010-03-20T08:31:58.335-05:00Daybreaker: Next month you can buy a Texas town!He's tried.For two years, Moody Anderson has attempted to sell the Texas "ghost town," The Groves. Even had it up on eBay. There were no takers. Fickle bunch, those eBay folks.The Groves is a made up of five buildings, each containing hundreds of collector's items. We'll let Texas Escapes give a proper description:"This is a very well preserved 1860’s museum town full of authentic, articles and GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-9133841003226185802010-03-19T15:41:00.005-05:002010-03-19T16:22:20.384-05:00Angry old men: Texas man tries to emulate Joe StackCan we all just take a deep breath, pop a few Xanax and calm the heck down? Since when did flying planes into building become outlet for run-of-the-mill anger issues?That Joe Stack loon has a beef with the IRS and neglects to pay his taxes, so he barrels into their Austin headquarters. Were there no lawyers available that day? Now, Raymond Espinosa Rodriguez, a 67-year-old from Houston, has been GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-14196882198106888722010-03-19T12:57:00.007-05:002010-03-19T13:46:48.862-05:00That's madness: A surefire way to get Lamar dancin'Poor J'Covan Brown. The Port Arthur product and UT point guard missed two crucial free throws last night, leading to a buzzer-beater beat down, 81-80, at the hands of Wake Forest.Texas went from 17-0 and #1 in the nation to 24-10, losing an astonishing 10 of their last 17 games. Why? According to Coach Rick Barnes, they have no point guard. And if this is any indication, Brown ain't the answer."GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-76025814880907780382010-03-19T09:22:00.003-05:002010-03-19T10:31:56.859-05:00He be drunk: Port Arthurian would like you to meet his special friendIt's Spring Break somewhere, right? While schools around Texas enjoy their week off, we turn to a Port Arthur native to enlighten us on the magic of the season. You see, it's not about spending time with family or recharging the batteries. Nope.According to Joseph Savoie, a 24-year-old representin' Port Arthur, Spring Break is a Utopian ideal, blind to color, race or creed; resplendent with GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-20339501031460710092010-03-19T00:08:00.003-05:002010-03-19T10:54:12.187-05:00Daybreaker: Turning rocks into oil?It's not exactly water into wine, but Texas researchers have stumbled onto a bit of transformative magic. And it makes that whole "drill, baby, drill" mantra seem a little less urgent.America is flush with this stuff. We've got 30% of the world's reserves. We're talking about coal. Boooo! Coal is bad, right? It pollutes, unleashes tons upon metric ton of carbon and is crazy dirty.Yet it just GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-88986836594927725712010-03-18T11:28:00.008-05:002010-03-18T11:55:25.253-05:00Dispatch from Lumberton: Are those panties in your pants OR are you just shoplifting?Well done, Silsbee Bee. You had us at "panty raid" -- adding the "booty" was perfection. Throw in Wal-Mart, shoplifting and an above average mug shot -- and we've got us something that passes for a gripping Southeast Texas yarn.A Lumberton woman -- Karen Diehl -- was arrested last week for leaving four children under the age of six inside a running pickup, while she spent 30-minutes in a Wal-MartGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-37879691745322996812010-03-18T09:13:00.001-05:002010-03-18T11:00:18.843-05:00It's MARCH MADNESS! Time to get yourself sterilizedOh, the timing.Last night, y'all kissed the Blarney Stone a bit too much (if you catch our drift). So you're nursing that corned beef and cabbage fueled hangover at home. And lookie lookerson, today is the start of MARCH MADNESS. Perfect! You've got something to watch on the tube today besides old Soul Train reruns.According to some lonely guy with an abacus, the opening week of the NCAA GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-15341161696192646432010-03-18T01:03:00.001-05:002010-03-18T01:03:00.069-05:00Daybreaker: One Beaumont hotel can charge your debit card for ANYTHING!You know what they say: it ain't a party until someone's motorcycle gets damaged. Ain't it the truth!When it happens at America's Best Value Inn in Beaumont, that "value" you thought your were getting turns into someone else's "steal."It all began when Linda Gilmore booked a banquet room at the Beaumont hotel to hold a party for her son. According to the hotel manager, Jon Huang, that festive GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-53725002620181804292010-03-17T16:23:00.000-05:002010-03-17T16:47:18.136-05:00Kilt-tastic: Erin Go Bragh!Where are the socks with the nifty little tassels? The precedent is now set. Come Easter, we wanna see this FOX4 host in a bunny costume. July 4th? Don a Lady Liberty outfit. And when Martin Luther King Jr. Day rolls around...you get the idea. Happy St. Paddy's Day, y'all! The green beer is gonna taste good tonight. GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-25796996894424435982010-03-17T11:27:00.007-05:002010-03-17T16:40:46.946-05:003-square a day: Texan might just be Chik-fil-A's biggest boosterYou've got your "Dead Heads," "Packer Backers" and various other crazy fan/road warrior types. But one Texan sports a different sort of fandom, hitting the road for white meat.Meet Jesse Martin: Chick-fil-A's #1 fan. Martin, a 34-year-old college pastor from Austin, thinks of a Chik-fil-A grand opening the way many would consider a trip to the Kroger. Since the chain gives away free meals for a GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-75814092892822441872010-03-17T10:34:00.001-05:002010-03-17T10:47:07.825-05:00Fishy: Is Obama after your pole?The heck with health care, Hussein Obama is about to ban fishing. Uh huh. It says so in this scathing, phall-o-centric op-ed piece by Texan Doug Giles entitled, "Hey Obama, Keep Your Hands Off My Fishing Pole."We have NO intention of touching your, um, pole.Giles is a radio host, minister, author of books on masculinity (how's that for a niche?) and father of the girl that posed as a prostitute GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-38146333093836575532010-03-17T00:09:00.012-05:002010-03-17T06:21:50.604-05:00Daybreaker: At the BISD, enforcing the rules is a cinchToday's "as the BISD turns" is brought to you by Austin Middle School. It's TAKS time and as our little Einsteins prepare for the TEST TO END ALL TESTS™, one BISD student has raised the ire of 'ye dress code gods.'Danielle Curtis is miffed that her daughter had to waste much of a recent day in the Principal's office for wearing a non-sanctioned article of clothing: A BELT.This bedazzling pant GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-91070575300426227282010-03-16T16:53:00.007-05:002010-03-16T17:08:26.902-05:00Tiger who? This Aggie is the sports story of the dayYou don't see this everyday. New England Patriot and former Aggie Ty Warren is turning down his $250,000 workout bonus. Who needs it? Especially when you're paid millions to put the hurt on people. Instead, he plans on hanging with family in Bryan this off-season. As an aside, wish we got a "word count" bonus.Warren isn't just tooling around the house in his bunny slippers playing Madden '09 withGATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-58945180091080766072010-03-16T12:09:00.007-05:002010-03-16T12:27:24.385-05:00Oopsy: Texas gives raises to workers who didn't earn 'emFree money, but only for Texas state employees.In this time of economic infamy, they're getting raises, even if they don't deserve 'em. Why? Bungling bureaucrats who misclassified workers (meaning they were placed in the wrong job category with a higher minimum salary) at the Department of Public Safety, the Texas Youth Commission and the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. The cost to you: GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-60487554815014805602010-03-16T10:38:00.003-05:002010-03-16T13:23:10.416-05:00BIG dreams: Woman aims for the half-ton markWe all need goals. They make life worth living. How can you fault Donna Simpson for trying to reach hers?The 42-year-old New Jersey gal is on a mission. She's looking to EXPAND her horizons, and that has her thinking BIG. How big? Currently, she weighs in at a solid 602 pounds.But remember, Ms. Simpson has dreams. HUGE dreams. She's on a diet that will inflate her to her target weight of 1,000 GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-19486960667286721992010-03-16T00:14:00.001-05:002010-03-16T00:14:00.301-05:00Daybreaker: A view of Beaumont from the topWe'll start the day off with an aerial tour of Beaumont. Never been inside the clock tower, kinda cool -- and so lovingly shot and edited. NO DRAMAMINE NECESSARYThe sordid saga of John Edwards just keeps getting, well, more sordid.This may be legal and all, but is it cool?No weapon? Try a toilet lid. Now YOU can look like an '80s child-star.The 57 "craziest" cities in America. Austin may be GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-71279992055553639182010-03-15T13:30:00.008-05:002010-03-15T13:48:22.987-05:00As the BISD turns: Look who gave to charityDid you donate to the Haitian earthquake? Shame on you! You know you should. We did. So did the BISD, holding a district-wide fundraiser to assist the victims. Here's page 3 of the latest BISD newsletter. All of the schools that raised funds are listed. Wait...a....sec:[Click on pic to ENLARGE]When you maketh the publication, you can give yourself a hearty pat on the back. Notice, she is the GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-79902167184923838002010-03-15T10:36:00.003-05:002010-03-15T11:18:57.740-05:00Poe no: Is Ted Poe palling around with fascists?All Muslims are terrorists. It's true. Well, maybe. Let's ask Ted Poe, who knows someone who feels exactly this way.Ted poe is palling around with the world's biggest Muslim...hater. The Southeast Texas congressman, known for his floor speeches that sometimes quote KKK celebs, has aligned himself with yet another world-class controversial figure.Ever heard of Geert Wilders? There he is (pic left)GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-18210805612210703682010-03-15T00:32:00.005-05:002010-03-15T00:32:00.528-05:00Daybreaker: Ignore it, and Texas loses $13,500Finally, the postal service has something to do. They're gettin' mailed out today.For the love of God, puhleeeze fill out your Census forms. Don't wanna? Think big government brother will be tracking your every trip to Home Depot? Don't worry, they won't. The feds can't even dispose of your clunkers properly. You honestly think they're keeping tabs on your weekly run to the dry cleaners?So fill..GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3572129373776670812.post-12717031105930097142010-03-14T20:20:00.001-05:002010-04-14T20:20:26.572-05:00Daybreaker from Lake Sam: Fish or make bailStart of post hereThe rest here10 NAMES YOU NEED TO KNOW TODAYKid Rock Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo Daniel DiNardo GATORhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17738174356570127369noreply@blogger.com0